The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
