great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
