I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
