i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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