we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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