I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
