True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Drunk is not a location!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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