that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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