Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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