wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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