I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize