The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
