im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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