nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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