I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
