No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
