I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
