I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
