I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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