sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
