it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize