You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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