somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
