i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
