she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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