It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
