I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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