she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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