btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
