Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
