Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I came so hard my ears popped.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
