I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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