I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
