I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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