How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
