This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize