I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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