I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
