when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
