I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize