ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
