I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
