you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
