and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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