His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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