Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
