toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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