if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize