My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize