hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
