Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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