What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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