Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
