The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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