At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
