No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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