I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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