The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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