4 words: hood of his car
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
