Porn is love you can see.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
