I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
