If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
