I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
