Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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