I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
