Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
