My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
