i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
