That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
