Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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