my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
