I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
