Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
