Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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