I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
