You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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