After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
