Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
