Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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