I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
